You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
