I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
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I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
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Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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