I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize