He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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