it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
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So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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