I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom