onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!