hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum