Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him

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  (281): I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him http://tfl.nu/1o2o
  Replies (2) Good night (1026) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  A Penis?

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  (610): Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me. (1-610): A Penis? http://tfl.nu/aerv
  Replies (50) Good night (3446) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks

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  (484): Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah (215): Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks http://tfl.nu/j7v7
  Replies (11) Good night (3512) Bad night (751)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.

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  (703): We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college. http://tfl.nu/pxwn
  Replies (11) Good night (4474) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo

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  (847): My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo http://tfl.nu/wnvu
  Replies (31) Good night (1153) Bad night (6526) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch

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  (480): I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch http://tfl.nu/8f48
  Replies (12) Good night (4239) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.

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  (718): If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs. http://tfl.nu/jfp1
  Replies (24) Good night (4782) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?

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  (250): You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you? http://tfl.nu/8g3a
  Replies (9) Good night (2606) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?

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  (732): He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it? http://tfl.nu/l4jt
  Replies (13) Good night (2297) Bad night (1170) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  You're welcome.

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  (262): Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits. (414): You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/kntv
  Replies (9) Good night (1986) Bad night (960)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.

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  (631): Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions. http://tfl.nu/8mk0
  Replies (10) Good night (1474) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....

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  (316): Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips.... http://tfl.nu/9ril
  Replies (3) Good night (1139) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"

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  (334): Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!" http://tfl.nu/kpjr
  Replies (4) Good night (926) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.

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  (574): I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed. http://tfl.nu/w2ei
  Replies (7) Good night (1487) Bad night (271) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob

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  (240): I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob http://tfl.nu/qz5h
  Replies (7) Good night (538) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt

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