i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
