Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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