I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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