Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
