I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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