how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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