Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i came on her dog
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"