You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.