I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.