very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday