just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
