went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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