The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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