im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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