Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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