Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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