My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
