You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
