i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Come share oat with me in your robe
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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