What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
