Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
