no, he came in my armpit
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He passed out mid-signature
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
