cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
