Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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