Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
