Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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