Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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