don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just leave with hair like that
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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