I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
