i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
