You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
