is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
