When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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