There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So much rum. So many feels.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
