you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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