she woke up with a sticky ear
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
