You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
