why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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