Best friends brother. Beat that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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