Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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