NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
