Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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