My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
