just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
