Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Text me some of your sweat
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
