I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
God, I missed his penis.
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