just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
