sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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