I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
its not stalking. its research.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
