my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
