This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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