you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
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Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
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Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need mimosas to revive my soul
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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