first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There's always time for handjobs
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
