everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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