I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
